dear loneliness

on growing, changing, and no longer feeling at home in the places I once did.

dear loneliness,

I think I understand you a little more now.

You showed up
when I started becoming.

When I began to change,
to grow,
to choose differently.

And I didn’t expect that becoming myself
would sometimes feel like losing everything familiar.

Because growth changes things.

It changes what I’m willing to accept,
what I feel aligned with,
what I can no longer ignore.

And slowly,

the places I used to belong to
don’t feel the same anymore.

The conversations don’t land the same.
The connections don’t feel as deep.
The version of me that once fit there…
is no longer who I am.

And that’s where I meet you.

Not because I’m alone,
but because I’m no longer where I used to be.

You are the space between who I was
and who I’m becoming.

And for a while,
I thought you meant I was doing something wrong.

That maybe I should go back,
or hold on tighter,
or try to fit again.

But I can’t.

Because I’ve seen myself now.
And I can’t unsee it.

So maybe you’re not here
because something is missing.

Maybe you’re here
because something is changing.

Because I’m making space
for a life that feels more like me.

Even if that space feels empty sometimes.
Even if it feels quiet.
Even if it feels like I’m walking alone.

I’m starting to understand
that this kind of loneliness
is not a punishment,

It’s a transition.

And maybe one day,
this space will be filled
with things that truly belong to me.

But for now,
I’ll stay.

I won’t rush to fill the silence.
I won’t go back just to feel less alone.

I’ll trust,
that this part of becoming
was always meant to feel like this.

With love,
me

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I don’t see things the same way anymore
and I can’t pretend that I do.

More, soon.

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Find out more about me here: ARIA KEI WORLD

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