dear feelings

on learning to feel without losing myself

dear feelings,

I didn’t always know how to listen to you.

for a long time,
I ignored you.

or I tried to control you,
to make you quieter,
easier, more acceptable.

and when I couldn’t…

you would build up.

until you came out all at once
too much,
too intense,
too overwhelming.

and then I would feel bad about it.

for feeling too much.
for reacting.
for not having it together.

so I went back to ignoring you again.

and the cycle continued.

I didn’t know
how to be with you
without becoming you.

I didn’t know
how to feel
without getting lost in it.

and sometimes,
I stayed in what I felt
for too long

telling myself stories,
repeating them,
making the feeling heavier
than it needed to be.

and I can see now
how easy it is
to fall into that space.

but I’m learning something different.

I’m learning to listen.

not to ignore you
but not to let you take over either.

to feel
without identifying with everything I feel.

to let something pass through me
without turning it into who I am.

because you’re not here to define me.

you’re here to guide me.

to show me what needs attention,
what needs care,
what needs honesty.

and maybe balance is not
about feeling less
but about staying present
without getting lost.

without abandoning myself.

without turning pain into identity.

I’m still learning.

but now,
when you show up

I try to stay.

just long enough to listen.

and then,
to let you go.

With love,
Me.

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maybe it was never about getting rid of what I feel
but learning how to stay,
without losing myself in it.

More, soon.

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Find out more about me here: ARIA KEI WORLD

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